What happened: The 2012 New York Yankees justified the loyal, long-suffering fandom of thousands of Staten Island residents by sweeping a two-game, late-April series from the Red Sox at Fenway. In erasing Saturday’s 9-0 deficit with a 15-run barrage, the Yankees notched a victory that single-handedly atoned for their collapse in the 2004 American League Championship Series.

True Yankee™ gainers: Mark Teixeira and Nick Swisher, because it tends to induce amnesia about one’s struggles from the left side of the plate when one makes the ball go boom boom far away high fare thee well wheeeeee… Russell Martin, the current OBP-fetishist poster boy… Derek Jeter, for prompting Mike Aviles to catch his spikes in the infield turf while pursuing an undistinguished ground ball and fall flat on his ass. This resulted in the first butt single of El Intangiblito’s storied career, according to Baseball-Reference.com.

True Yankee™ waners: The starting pitchers, who appear to have a little belly-itcher in them… Joe Girardi, because asking Eduardo Nunez to play a competent 2B, SS or 3B is like asking a kindergartner to knit a wearable sweater. Technically both tasks are achievable, but the outcome can only be measured in degrees of unfavorability. There’s a vacancy in left field for the next week or three; Nunez can’t be any more directionally impaired out there than Raul Ibanez, unless he attempts to win a bet with his old fraternity buddies by wearing his stirrups blindfold-style… Alex Rodriguez, whose over-the-Monster bomb on Friday just felt like showing off. Also, he forearm-bumped indifferently with Swisher and Teixeira after their special moments.

What’s next: Series against the Rangers (in Arlington) and Tigers (at home), which will give the Yankees the opportunity to avenge their ignominious playoff defeats in 2010 and 2011. Nothing satisfies months-old competitive vengeful bloodlust like a win during the third full week of the regular season.

True Yankee™ on the spot: Hiroki Kuroda, who will be fighting for team and country alike when he bumps up against Yu Darvish on Tuesday night. Asked about the import of the matchup back home, Kuroda said something to the extent of “I will smite him and anyone who dares make a Yu/you pun in my presence, especially ‘Yu had me at hello.’” This was promptly reinterpreted by his translator as “It’s not me-against-him. As I understand it, baseball is a team game.” Pretty crafty, translator man.